


I'll Miss You When You're Dead

by Idontknowhowtodoor



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Poetry, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, TW Suicide mention, big sad and big mad, ha ha depression, i got no clue how to tag shit, spite and anger are strong in this, this is me trying y'all, tw self-harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26439823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idontknowhowtodoor/pseuds/Idontknowhowtodoor
Summary: A poetry anthology I wrote throughout middle and the beginning of freshman year in high school.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. Ten Feet Underwater

I'm ten feet underwater  
Breaking ice,   
Holding onto consciousness

Gazing at the pain,   
Through murky water  
Seeing memories rise

Out of the blue,  
I'm drowning  
Only hoping someone will see

I'm ten feet underwater  
My face is going blue,

I'm ten feet underwater  
And I'm chained to the ground,  
Forced to watch all the pain

All over again.

I'm ten feet underwater  
And I'm trying to not drown.


	2. Bittersweet

I love you,  
The words cut into your heart  
It makes you blush,  
They bruise your soul

It tastes bittersweet,  
When you say then

Is love pain?  
No,   
just a bit bittersweet


	3. Tired

I'm tired. Of trying.  
I'm sick of this.  
These pills beside me  
Are about to be inside me  
I'm done. I can't keep trying  
I'm too tired to be alive  
I'm tired of slowly dying

Numbly I stand, feeling sick.  
I grasp the sink,   
I cough, and blood hits the mirror.  
It's fine, it's time  
I don't want to be this tired anymore

I take a deep breath  
My inhale hitches.  
I slip, my mind wandering.  
I choke, blood spilling  
I cough, before panic  
Panic softens, eyes welling

And I fall, dying


	4. Dreaming

Slipping, falling, smiling   
All put to an end,  
It was just a dream.

An empty feeling in your chest   
Bottles of wine litter the floor  
Missing the feel of her hand in yours

Was her love all part of a happy day dream?

Dreaming of better days,   
Dreaming of her kiss on your lips,  
Smiling and laughing

Her pulling you along,  
Laughing and stumbling to her room  
The feel of her touch against you

Watching movies and shows  
A soft kiss on her forehead,  
Her soft smile up at you

Was it just me dreaming?  
Was it ever real?  
Was she just a dream?


	5. Missed

I miss him  
She missed him  
He missed him too.

We all miss him,  
But we couldn't do anything about it   
And sometimes, I wish we could have done more.

It isn't his fault  
And it wasn't ours either  
It was just an accident

A burden we weren't ready to bear.


	6. -Deleted Message-

-delete-

-delete-

-delete-

All these messages  
Saying that you love me

I'm crying  
I'm dying inside

Because it feels  
Like you never meant any of it

I'm sitting here deleting all the messages you once sent

Because it feels like I don't matter to you anymore

-delete-

-delete-

-delete-


	7. Imagine It

Sweet smells of fake fragrance  
Over bitter despair and pain  
Imagine how that tastes,

Let the pain wash over you,   
Imagine how that feels to me.  
Imagine how I cry  
Imagine how I sleep at night,  
Restless, crying and shaking  
Imagine how this feels to you.

You did this to me.  
Imagine how you broke me,  
Let it rush over you,  
Red eyes and wrecked sobs

Imagine how it hurts   
Imagine how it aches  
Imagine it turning into a crescendo  
Rushing and tearing at your heart

Leaving you winded and begging for mercy at the same time.  
Imagine it ripping into your soul and shredding your chest bare.

Imagine how it feels to have your chest torn open, your heart exposed  
Imagine how it feels to have all the air sucked out of you  
Imagine gasping for air as your heart gets torn away from you

Imagine how I feel,  
Knowing that you did this to me.


	8. Make It Stop

Teary eyes,  
Red face,  
And blood dripping.

Empty medicine bottles,  
Broken glass,  
And a scream

"Make it stop!"

A broken pencil sharpener.  
Dull razors littering the counter,  
And broken mirrors.

Another scream,  
Pleading.  
Is it a dream?

"Please.. Make it stop"

Isn't it enough?  
Are you satisfied?  
Another shout, then silence.

Another friend lost,  
Another child gone,  
Another spouse dead.

"Please... Make the pain stop"


	9. WHERE DID YOU GO...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh, Zalgo warning?

Where are you?  
Where did you Ğ̫͉͙͒̃͛̍͟͢o̷̧̥̯̤̭̳̤̱͑̒̋̕̕̚͝?͚͙̠̞̼̘̾̃͗̏̏́̎̎̈  
̱̞̭̳̅̎͒̏͗̈͡͞

It gets lonely here without you   
Makes me feel sad

M̸̛͓̝̖̠͋̑̍̾͂̓̾͢͝ͅä̧̜̖̰͖̩͚̩̜̉̃̊̅̋͡͡k̶͖̯͍̪̱͖̫̳̔̄̏̓̆̎̚̕͢ę̸̢̨̛̯̫̬̌͆̋̒̀̒͢͢͡͝ͅs̸̛̺͇̰͙̾̄̌̕͢͡ m̷͙͉̫̖̯̾̑͑͟͝͝e̴̥̘̫͕͙̒̎̏̋͋͜ f̷̢̦̩̬̬̼̰̮͚̐̓̔͌͌͒̉͞e̙͙̜̗̽̋́̎̅̋͗̏͂̅͢e̸̫̝̙̳̱̓̇̔̏̓̌̕l̴̰̮̝͔̬̤̿̀́͑̊͛̚̚͘̚ͅ l̴̤͉̼̙̹̟̈́͌̏̇̀̏͠ͅï̳̹̼̳̣͕͖͚̩̜̾̑͗ķ̨̛̘̪͍͉̯͕̾̇̽̽̍̄̑͆͂e̯̟͓͚͔͎͈͕̎͆̾̓͊͗͒̈̏ͅͅ f̢̢͚̣̯̜́̎̑̄͛̀͒̊̚͝u͍͖̺̣͓͉̘̟̫͖̎̈̇͌̔̐͌̀͝c̲͚̯̩̑̆̆́͗̏̆͘͢͞k̙̣̝͈̫̪͎͕̜͇͒̅͘͝͠ĩ̷̛͎̫͖̱̹̭̖́͒̓͆͝͠͞n͍͍̻̱͈̞̔̽͋̆͒͊̏g̢̜̝̀̾̃̑̃̚͢͜ͅ s̴͙̟̼̙̥̝͓͉̔̾͂̉͂̂͢͝h̹̺̖̲͕̮̑͑͋͒̓́̕͢͞͡ȉ̧̜̳̟̗͖̤̭̈̾̇̇͒̚͡ţ̴̼͓̭̼̐͗̿͗͊̎̉̚͝!̵̛̛̝̦̩͍̰̠̑̏̍͗!

I miss you

F̸̙͉̜͖̰͚̆͑̈̍̒̊̈́̓͑ŭ̘͖̹̖̜̬̫̲̼̮͗̂̈́͌̈͒̇c̵̦̤̰̞̰̣͔̏̒̂͂̀͊̄̿͢͜͝k̢̡̦̹̲̙͎̫̒͑̎͐́͂͢͞͠͝ë̛̛͕̯̺̼̩́̽̍̓͛̊͡͝r̢͈̪̠͕̪͔̓̿̐̔̚͠͡

Why does it hurt

Y̴̱̙͉̙̳͒̈́̈̒̎͜͢͟͢ơ̵̡̯̳͇̪̹͚͕̠͎̍̅͂̽̇̏̇u̷̢͚͍̮̗̠͔̬̿̓̍̈̇͒̎̌̇ŗ̶̛̘̪̹̹̺͆̄͗̃̓̒͋ f̡̻̹̼͓̹̘̬͓̻̉̆̕͠à̬̮̩̜̤͛͗̂͞ͅū̞̖͚͕̟̗̻̣͑̐͛̿͊̋͟l̷̛̫̠̻̫͔̥̳̱̝͛͗́̐͋̔t̥͉͇̯͚̄͆̏̈́̓̎̚

I'm scared

Y̶͖̥͚̯̰͉̰̻͚̑̓̀̍O͚̯̤̹̯̗͋̈́͛̏̑U̸͔̣̤͈̪͛̆̇̚ L̯͙̳̖̠̳͈͋̉̂̃̏̌͜E̵̞̥͎̰̰͌́̓͊̅̏̀͟͝F̶̨̢͇͉͎̗̘͇̰̿̒͌̈̏͐͟͠͠T͔̮̹̺͂̓̔̆̓͢͡͝ M̴̪͎̪͍̖̤̉̍̔̋̃͝Ȩ̶̢͕̝̦́̅̄͆͂͘͡͠ͅ A̢̗͓̖̳̤̲̦͉͑̋̈́̽̆͘̚L̡̛̛̞͕̗̮͚̊̐͒̓̾̋Ọ̢̢̤̣̫̭̩͑͛͒̔͐͛̿͜Ņ̺͎͎̠̖͕̇̄̌̋͊͌̕͜Ĕ̶̡̢̛̩̩̳̞͙̝̀̎̒͟͠͡

I don't understand.

Ÿ̷͈͇̜̫͔͇̖̓͌͐͌͌̇͝ͅͅO̙̥̺̘̥̙̹͈̭̮̊̒̓̿́̚͠͠͞U͇̝͍̩̲̝͗̽̿͋͗͝ H̷̫̮̹̹̩͖̄̆̋̕͜͢U̢̹̣̥̥̹̓͐̏͒͂̽̌̕͟͞ͅR̴̡̨̛̫̯̖̠͎̱̠̄̏͊͑͘ͅT̻̤̦̖̅̆̿̎̒̈̉͘͟͞͡ M̸̧̛̱̻͎̬̣͆̈̎̆͐͟͞Ȩ̛͍̩̞̙͖̌͗̽͂͝͠.̴̯̳̯̫͓͔̤̉̂̓͑̆̄̅̏̑͆ͅ

̨̜̣͎͇͕̩̰͓͛̎̄̍͐͜͝Ȳ̪̯͉̱̼̪̞̯̿͛̈̒̿Ǫ̜͈̜͉̍̈́̿̀̈U̵̝̘̘̘̿̐̈́͟͞ Ă͙̼͈͖̯͕̞̒̑̏̑͢͠R̡̢͙̖̳̙̊̿͋͊͟͝É̼͎̝̫̹̟̯̠͍̆̊̃͊͞ P̸̨̡̧͈̼̯̦̘̳͆͆̅͗̔͐̐͜͞͠A̛͙̤͍̰̯̣̲͛͊̎̇Ǐ̵͈̗̮͕̼̖̺̝̉̓͋͞ͅN̢̗͓̩̼̆̐̅̋̓͊̉́͘͢͢͠

̛̛̲͚̗̞̝̪̎̉̽͌͡͞Ỳ̧̤͉̯̤͚̞̩̥̞̊̓̈̊̊͡͞Ǫ̜̦̻̱̞̉̈̿͋͗̿́͞Ụ̢̢̬̖͖̘͙̱̖̉̄̽̀̎̔̏ Ḑ̨̫͙͎̦̌̽̅̾̄͂̇͘̚Ơ̴̛̦͍̗͎̻͍̒̇̒͗̊̚͡N̪̖͙̥̂͋͂̈̊̈́̕͝͝ͅͅ'̡̱̹̭̠̯͕̏͂̋̅̌̈́̊̆̽T̖͈͍͙͕̬̩̻̒̀̇̚̕͢ͅ Ď̨̢͓͚̹̬̘̺̊͆̇͠ͅÉ̦͇̰̬̮̳͛̃̇͗̒͡S̴̛̝̬̫̠̦͚̗̓̓̂̿̍͑͑͝ͅĘ̵̥͈̫͓͈̙̆̅̐͑̌̎ͅṘ̷̲͉̲͓͈̳͑̈̅́͘͜͡V̵̨̡̹̤̯̭̿͆̈́͋͂̋͌͂̕Ȩ͔̠͇̳̋̅̓̔͆͠ T̢̰̪̰͎̲̙̥̅̆͂̋̀̾̊͜Ǫ̷͓͕̹͍̘͖̖̳͊̏̏̽̾͜ B̰̦͕̰̦͕̌̌̉̑͞E̢̢͕̞̣̺͉̼͓͙͆́̈͐̐̈̋͆̕͝ H̢̪͍̲̹̭̪͕̤͆̈͗̄̎͌̕ͅĘ̟͎͉̪͈̥̓̆̓̾̑̇̌͘ͅR̢̫͉̺͇͚̟̘͍̔̇̃̋͝Ě̼̗̱̜̝̩̺͚̙̐̇̓̊̎͂̓͝


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